Unattached

Surveying The Stigma of the Single Christian Woman

Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash

“Do you think that if men treated women better, more women would be open to marriage?”

“Not in the slightest.”

Thus replied an anonymous person in the comment section of my last substack essay, writing under an account named ‘Birth Rate Crisis.’

It has always amused me that married Christians — men in particular — have such strong opinions on female singleness, especially when none of those opinions were formed by actually talking to single women.

Since birds of a feather flock together, and also since I have one of those faces where people feel comfortable telling me their deep secrets, I happen to know a lot of single Christian women in their thirties.

I also happen to know why most of them are single.

Having spoken to a vast array of them, I can conclude that each one falls into one of the three categories.

Usually,

“I haven’t found the right man.”

Sometimes,

“I have chosen singleness because I am tired of men not respecting my ‘no’.”

(I.e. she has been assaulted more than once.)

Or, in the case of a small minority,

“I believe that God has called me to a life of consecrated celibacy.”

In other words, some women are single due to circumstances outside of their control; some women are single because they have been abused by men; and some women are intentionally single for the sake of the Kingdom of God (c.f. Matt 19:12).

But, with some small exceptions, the vast majority of single Christian women in their thirties do want to be married.

So why aren’t they?