I feel this. Thank you for writing it all out. I've had some very profound theological realizations personally in my fourteen-year experience with chronic Lyme Disease. I don't have remission with it, but I have long stretches without flare-ups where I nearly feel normal. And yeah, my relationship with God is a bit different when I'm having a flare-up--similar to what you pointed out.
Bless you Abigail! I know someone with Lyme disease, and it is a horrible horrible condition to be in. Fourteen years is a long time. Do you feel you and God have gone deeper through the experience? Or is it just different?
I was thinking the same about IBD--I had a co-worker with Crohn's. It sounds horrible! But all the "invisible" illnesses and conditions can be that way, yes?
With my Lyme (and everyone's case is a bit different), I had 2 years of very active symptoms where I was undergoing treatment, and then periods (usually in the spring, fall, and during unusually stressful times) when I'd experience flareups off a one for a couple of days or a couple of weeks where I'd have brain fog (low cognitive ability), extreme fatigue, arthritis type pain, inflammation, headaches, and very rarely, a panic attack.
During the initial 2 years after the diagnosis (and the months prior), my brain kept pinging around, asking God for a "reason" for this. Either why it happened, or what "good" He would bring out of it. And I didn't get an answer to either question. But one morning after about a year and a half after my diagnosis, I remember praying for God to heal me all the way and afterwards understood that I would have this the rest of my life. It wasn't an audible voice, but it seemed that way. Even though it wasn't the answer I wanted, I felt so much relief. I'd had so much anxiety around the illness, and finding out that it would be my lifelong companion altered something. I guess in a way, more trust in God bloomed inside of me--at least where that was concerned.
The other thing I realized, which I guess isn't exactly a matter of faith, but related, is my mindset of sickness vs. health. Shortly after I found out I was going deal with this my whole life, I had a good day with no really discernable symptoms. It hit me then that this disease that had taken over my life didn't own me. I might have to deal with the crappy fallout of the tick bite, but I needed to go live the life God had given me to the fullest I could. So I stopped walking around seeing everything through the lens of Lyme and restriction. I still have Lyme days, but it doesn't run my life anymore.
Yes I completely understand what you mean about that sense of relief. There's something good about coming to a place of healthy realism - ok so this is what I've got, now how to I follow Jesus in this context? I'm sorry to hear that you've not had your healing (like me!), but I'm glad to hear that you have had the place of intimacy with God through it all. It also sounds like you've had a bit of a paradigm shift relating to what you view as 'healthy'! I think I've had a similar experience, where I realised that this disease affects me but doesn't control me. I can't control that it happened, but I can control how I relate and respond to it. Bless you, and thank you for sharing! x
This is a really timely read for me. I’ve been so discouraged by my fatigue levels, feeling alone in it, AND afraid to let people into my weakness. Thank you for your encouragement. I definitely need it.
Bless you Rebecca! Praying that God meets with you in this time, and that your community supports you well. You are not alone. It does get better with time (albeit very slowly) x
Seriously, I cried and I laughed reading this article. So very inspiring. Subscribing to your newsletter is one of the best decisions I've made in ages.
I feel this. Thank you for writing it all out. I've had some very profound theological realizations personally in my fourteen-year experience with chronic Lyme Disease. I don't have remission with it, but I have long stretches without flare-ups where I nearly feel normal. And yeah, my relationship with God is a bit different when I'm having a flare-up--similar to what you pointed out.
Bless you Abigail! I know someone with Lyme disease, and it is a horrible horrible condition to be in. Fourteen years is a long time. Do you feel you and God have gone deeper through the experience? Or is it just different?
I was thinking the same about IBD--I had a co-worker with Crohn's. It sounds horrible! But all the "invisible" illnesses and conditions can be that way, yes?
With my Lyme (and everyone's case is a bit different), I had 2 years of very active symptoms where I was undergoing treatment, and then periods (usually in the spring, fall, and during unusually stressful times) when I'd experience flareups off a one for a couple of days or a couple of weeks where I'd have brain fog (low cognitive ability), extreme fatigue, arthritis type pain, inflammation, headaches, and very rarely, a panic attack.
During the initial 2 years after the diagnosis (and the months prior), my brain kept pinging around, asking God for a "reason" for this. Either why it happened, or what "good" He would bring out of it. And I didn't get an answer to either question. But one morning after about a year and a half after my diagnosis, I remember praying for God to heal me all the way and afterwards understood that I would have this the rest of my life. It wasn't an audible voice, but it seemed that way. Even though it wasn't the answer I wanted, I felt so much relief. I'd had so much anxiety around the illness, and finding out that it would be my lifelong companion altered something. I guess in a way, more trust in God bloomed inside of me--at least where that was concerned.
The other thing I realized, which I guess isn't exactly a matter of faith, but related, is my mindset of sickness vs. health. Shortly after I found out I was going deal with this my whole life, I had a good day with no really discernable symptoms. It hit me then that this disease that had taken over my life didn't own me. I might have to deal with the crappy fallout of the tick bite, but I needed to go live the life God had given me to the fullest I could. So I stopped walking around seeing everything through the lens of Lyme and restriction. I still have Lyme days, but it doesn't run my life anymore.
I don't know if that answers your question. :)
Yes I completely understand what you mean about that sense of relief. There's something good about coming to a place of healthy realism - ok so this is what I've got, now how to I follow Jesus in this context? I'm sorry to hear that you've not had your healing (like me!), but I'm glad to hear that you have had the place of intimacy with God through it all. It also sounds like you've had a bit of a paradigm shift relating to what you view as 'healthy'! I think I've had a similar experience, where I realised that this disease affects me but doesn't control me. I can't control that it happened, but I can control how I relate and respond to it. Bless you, and thank you for sharing! x
This is a really timely read for me. I’ve been so discouraged by my fatigue levels, feeling alone in it, AND afraid to let people into my weakness. Thank you for your encouragement. I definitely need it.
Bless you Rebecca! Praying that God meets with you in this time, and that your community supports you well. You are not alone. It does get better with time (albeit very slowly) x
Sarah, God loves you so much, and so do I!
Seriously, I cried and I laughed reading this article. So very inspiring. Subscribing to your newsletter is one of the best decisions I've made in ages.
Thank you!
From your wreck of a friend,
Steven
Thank you Steve for the encouragement! Bless you friend!